Do you always want more sex than your partner? How to realign your sex drives – and when to really worry

IF you and your spouse are on a equivalent wavelength when it arrives to how often you have sex, then you’re probable quite happy. 

But, when just one of you wants much more or fewer sex than the other, complications can come up.

Having different sex drives, and not communicating about it, may build resentment


Owning various sexual intercourse drives, and not speaking about it, might make resentmentCredit: Getty – Contributor

Soon after all, sexual intercourse performs an vital part in a romantic relationship, encouraging to sustain intimacy and safe the bond concerning a couple.

So, how do you harmony mismatched intercourse drives?

Hope Flynn is the founder of Instagram community FeedMeFemale and head of sexual wellness content material at STI testing corporation iPlaySafe

She claims: “There are several variables that can influence an individual’s sex travel like organic differences, hormonal fluctuations (in particular if a female is ovulating), pressure, partnership dynamics, and psychological elements. 

“It’s genuinely widespread for couples to have differing sexual intercourse drives for the reason that of a mixture of these factors.”

Hope confirms that in spite of hormonal fluctuations staying a bring about of unbalanced sex drives, it is not just ladies who experience reduced libido.

She states: “Sex generate may differ widely from particular person to man or woman irrespective of gender. It is undoubtedly a misconception to generalise that ladies as a whole have decreased sex drives than gentlemen. 

“Some girls could have a truly high libido, although some others may well have decrease degrees.”

Getting various intercourse drives can depart a single lover emotion unwanted or neglected, but the other sensation pressured or guilty.

So how do you strategy this topic?

Be upfront

Regardless of whether you want far more intercourse or want your companion to assume fewer of you, the very first point to do is have a conversation about it.

Hope suggests that it is a superior plan to build a risk-free house to talk about the two of your desires, fears (if any) and your anticipations relating to intimacy and what goes on in the bed room. 

This suggests telling your husband or wife that you want an trustworthy and open discussion without judgement, which can guide to arguing.

Hope claims: “Having a discussion about seeking extra sex involves sensitivity and a good deal of open conversation.”

If you are on the lookout for extra sex, Hope recommends employing ‘I’ statements to convey your feelings, these kinds of as declaring, ‘I’d like us to check out more together’.

“Ask your husband or wife if you can take a look at extra methods to sense far more connected outdoors of the bedroom. Encourage your partner to share their feelings so you can recognize just about every other far better.”

If you are the 1 with the reduced libido, Hope suggests: “You can say issues like, ‘I’ve found my curiosity in intercourse has transformed, and I want to speak about it’. 

“This way you can share your viewpoint on the relevance of sexual intercourse for you.”

All through this conversation, it’s important for partners to be understanding. 

Hope claims: “You require to be empathetic and recognise that you and your partner may well have different requirements and needs but also understand that there could be things influencing intercourse drives.”

Examine new approaches to be personal

Experiment with new means to join intimately with your associate. Strengthening the bond among you may well increase sexual intercourse generate.

“Intimacy goes further than just sex,” suggests Hope.

She suggests currently being a lot more affectionate, regardless of whether that be with a hug, kiss, cuddle, hand keeping or even giving every single other massages.

Finding a middle ground that satisfies both of those associates will entail a mixture of checking out new factors in the bedroom, currently being attentive to every other’s emotional requires and performing on fostering intimacy outside the house the bedroom as perfectly.

Hope FlynnHead of sexual wellness written content at STI tests organization iPlaySafe

She adds: “Plan day evenings and make time for just about every other to have a nice food, observe a film or go on a great wander alongside one another and commit quality time jointly accomplishing actions you both equally appreciate or taking turns to take a look at just about every other’s hobbies.”

Expressing your appreciation for your husband or wife with compliments can also enable you to connect, as can speaking about and setting up your long run with each other.

“This will help you truly feel a lot more aligned and builds your link,” suggests Hope.

“Surprise your husband or wife with considerate gestures it can be tiny and does not have to price tag a lot. 

“Who doesn’t enjoy another person picking up their favorite drink from the shop or finding up a e book you consider the other human being may well appreciate?”

Oh, and really do not overlook to chortle. Sharing times of pleasure and laughter collectively will help make a favourable and enjoyment atmosphere.

Schedule captivating time

The elegance of scheduling intimacy is that you can prepare oneself for the event.

Alix Fox formerly explained to The Sun you could do this by listening to a sexual intercourse story on a podcast on the coach home.

Be certain to go away ample time for sexual intercourse and really do not cram it in amongst unique routines or ought to-do work opportunities on your to-do listing.

But if you only have 15 minutes, it does not need to have to be tedious – read these strategies to spice matters up.

“Try something new you can refer to publications these as the Kama Sutra for inspiration and be open up to speaking about your desires and fantasies,” claims Hope.


As any person in a romantic relationship understands, compromise in a partnership is crucial. But Hope says this is in particular real when it comes to differing sexual intercourse drives.

The person with a low libido does not have to go out of their way to strengthen it, and ought to not really feel as even though there is anything erroneous with them.

But it may well support the marriage to obtain some sort of center floor.

Hope says: “Finding a middle ground that satisfies both companions will include a mix of exploring new factors in the bedroom, becoming attentive to every other’s emotional needs and doing the job on fostering intimacy outside the bed room as perfectly.

“It’s critical to be knowledge of your partner’s demands and wishes/or lack of.”

The concentration must be on the quality of intimacy alternatively than just the frequency of it. This will guarantee the two of you really feel pleased.


Hope adds: “If your lover needs sex 5 situations a 7 days and you want it as soon as, then you could check out assembly in the middle someplace.”

Currently being in a partnership needs a willingness to work collectively to make sure you’re the two emotion satisfied and highly regarded.

Hope says: “Always regard each individual other’s boundaries and goal to generate a harmony that can make you the two at ease and joyful.”

Halt comparing

You may possibly be anxious about how typically you have intercourse when compared with your close friends.

Probably you review your intercourse lifetime now to the 1 you had when you entered the romantic relationship and wonder what has changed.

Hope claims you will need to stop wondering about the total of periods you’re getting intercourse, and instead, the high quality.

It is much better to have meaningful and pleasant sexual intercourse that both partners are intrigued in than acquiring intercourse more usually that only satisfies one person’s needs. 

This can also maximize the desire for a lot more sex.

The quantity of instances a couple has sexual intercourse is also no indicator of the toughness of the romantic relationship.

Hope states: “Remember top quality above amount! The focus should be on the excellent of intimacy alternatively than just the frequency of it. This will assure equally of you experience happy.”

Intercourse travel boosting life-style ideas

There are some life style changes that can aid to boost a dwindling intercourse generate.

These incorporate working out consistently, owning a balanced diet – eating wholesome carbs, proteins and fats – taking care of your worry and getting the correct amount of money of slumber.

Hope suggests: “Also I just cannot worry how important it is to converse with your spouse about any wishes and fantasies you may have as this can also enhance your arousal.”

When to be concerned

Hope reassures that getting a small libido is not one thing that often requirements to be ‘fixed’.

She suggests: “Do not pressurise your associate into sexual intercourse if they are the just one with the decreased sexual intercourse push. Make sure you make a room full of adore, rely on and being familiar with.”

But she adds: “When your intercourse travel begins to negatively influence your relationship this is the time to take into account consulting with a healthcare professional.”

Or if compromise is demanding and influencing the romance, advice from a partnership counsellor or a sexual intercourse therapist may well assist.

There could be fundamental clinical or hormonal concerns that could possibly be contributing to very low libido.

These involve psychological health and fitness issues these types of as melancholy or anxiety. 

Utilizing hormonal contraception, such as the Pill, patch or implant can have an effect on your libido, the NHS states, as can medication for higher blood force and melancholy.

Some very long-time period disorders can also have an affect on your sex travel, these types of as coronary heart ailment, diabetes, an underactive thyroid or most cancers.

And menopause, which can get started leading to indications for ladies in their 40s, lowers hormones that might effects your libido.

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